Notes: The Christian Family Conference 2010 (Part 8)

My wife, oldest daughter and I attended the Christian Family Conference in Denver this past week. It was an amazing time of encouragement with other Christian parents – most of whom are devoted to homeschooling and home-training their children to be godly men and women, prepared to take on the world with a multi-generational vision. I’m posting some of the notes I took from the conference sessions. Some are sure to fly in the face of the traditions and cultures which most people would consider normal in today’s culture. But these men who spoke to us used the Scriptures, and their lives and the lives of their children are a testament to their integrity and boldness on these topics. Their words motivate me to continue to raise my children in a radical, counter-culture, God-fearing way.

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Another one from Voddie Baucham’s book, What He Must Be…If He Wants To Marry My Daughter. I have to say, most people in our society will view Voddie’s points as “old-fashioned” or behind the times. But if these principles are truly laid out by God – who never changes (1 Samuel 15:29, Malachi 3:6) – then they are as timeless as He is. So why are we often led to believe that the principles of dating, discipleship, fatherhood, and character must change as our society does?

“The Four P’s” by Voddie Baucham

Any boy who approaches me with the idea of marrying my daughter must understand these four principles of husbandhood, fatherhood, and leader:

· Priest – represents his people before God – 1 Peter 3:7 – the father or young man needs to walk with God and be on his knees in prayer on his family’s behalf

· Prophet – represents God before his people – Ephesians 5:25-27, 6:1-4 – handle the Word accurately – does the young man know how to view the Word and use it? (Note – this question is not, “Does he agree with me on every single Biblical topic?” Some things may come with time, while some are mandatory up-front)

· Provider – makes sure his people have what they need – 1 Timothy 5:8, 11-14, 2 Thessalonians 3:6-12, Colossians 3:22, Proverbs 6:5-11, 1Thessalonians 4:10-12 – the suitor needs to have a job, a work ethic, and needs to know how to handle money – just remember, he probably won’t look like upper-middle class at age 20, and that’s okay – place expectations of sense and ethics on the boy, not acquired wealth by age 20

· Protector – puts himself between his people and those that would harm them – Nehemiah 4:14 – notice that “husbands” are left out of this list in the verse, because they are the ones doing the protecting

· The man who is a protector needs to be three things – 1) a man of personal strength, 2) a man of wisdom, and not a fool, 3) a man of courage, and not a coward

· The difference between a protector and a poacher? Consider the young man who wants to express an interest in your daughter. The one who secretly dates your daughter for two years and then approaches you asking for her hand is like a hunter who drags an elk out of the woods and goes in search of the game warden to request a hunting tag after the kill. But a young man who is truly concerned with your daughter’s heart will approach you, the father, before even letting the girl know that he has an interest (after observing her from afar) – because he is looking after her heart and her long-term best interest. A boy who does that is a true protector. (I have to say, the first time I heard Voddie say this, I thought it was a bit idealistic. But after thinking on it, I realize that a young man like that is exactly what I would want for my daughters – it is not too lofty a goal. This goes along with the post on dating I’ll be publishing shortly.)

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Notes: The Christian Family Conference 2010 (Part 7)

My wife, oldest daughter and I attended the Christian Family Conference in Denver this past week. It was an amazing time of encouragement with other Christian parents – most of whom are devoted to homeschooling and home-training their children to be godly men and women, prepared to take on the world with a multi-generational vision. I’m posting some of the notes I took from the conference sessions. Some are sure to fly in the face of the traditions and cultures which most people would consider normal in today’s culture. But these men who spoke to us used the Scriptures, and their lives and the lives of their children are a testament to their integrity and boldness on these topics. Their words motivate me to continue to raise my children in a radical, counter-culture, God-fearing way.

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This talk was lifted from Voddie Baucham’s book, What He Must Be…If He Wants To Marry My Daughter. In it, he presents the high expectations that Christian fathers should have for their wife’s spouse. Society today would think these to be radical and even controlling. But, like Voddie, I am not willing to compromise on this point.

“A Father’s Role” by Voddie Baucham

· The crisis today has been caused by the fact that most of our parents didn’t do marriage well, didn’t teach us to do it well, and so we aren’t doing it well, nor are we teaching our children. Like most parents today, we are just praying and hoping that our children “find a good one”. But there is a more active role that can be played.

· “Practice doesn’t make perfect, practice makes permanent”

· The Bible is not silent on the issue of a father’s responsibility – to his family, and specifically to his daughters and sons.

· A Father’s Responsibility to His Family:

· The Old Testament is full of fatherly responsibilities – food, shelter, clothing, rest (the fourth commandment), defending the household, remembering Israel’s history, etc.

· And in the New Testament – model a personal commitment to Christ, provide for the family (1 Timothy 5:8), lead and disciple his wife (Ephesians 6:26), his children (Ephesians 6:1-4), and to lead the family in prayer (1 Peter 3:7)

· A Father’s Responsibility to His Daughter:

· Protect his daughter from male predators and bringing her to her husband as a virgin (Exodus 22:16-17, Deuteronomy 22:20-21)

· Provide a dowry (Genesis 29:24, 29)

· Provide for her by finding a suitable husband and making proper arrangements (Genesis 29:15-20)

· Consider this – in modern weddings, when the minister asks who gives the bride in marriage, it is most often heard “Her mother and I do” from the father. But this practice only came into popularity at the wedding of President Lyndon Johnson’s daughter at the White House in 1960, when LBJ was counseled to say it in order to keep the feminist vote on his side. Before 1960, that standard practice was for the father to respond to the question with, “I do”. Has our society watered down the Biblical, prominent role of the father in the raising of his daughters? Unfortunately, yes.

· Protect our daughters from rash vows (Numbers 30:3-5) – in this verse, the father’s decision can override a daughter’s vow – we don’t just say, “Oh well, it’s her life” – consider this when asked to attend the wedding if you disapprove of the person your child has chosen to marry – that’s a tough, tough lesson to learn – the best thing is to train and monitor what happens before this happens in order to avoid the situation altogether

· Some things that make us miss the pious life – we are 1) ignorant, 2) indifferent, 3) idolatrous, and 4) independent – instead of being pious and living for God, we live for ourselves

· We can only overcome the “four I’s” above with God’s help, if we go back to God’s Word, and if we obey what he says

· “Dating” recommendations – our daughters shouldn’t be dating in the sense that our society approves today – the current dating model is unbiblical and takes the place of the role of the father-daughter relationship. What is the Biblical model? 1) Model a life for your daughter to imitate, 2) teach your daughter God’s principles, 3) protect your daughter from harm, 4) get your daughter in the proximity of the right young men (and out of the company of the wrong ones)

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(I have already written a future post about the “dating” rules in our household – they are far more conservative than our society dictates, but I believe they are scriptural – coming soon - Alan)

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Notes: The Christian Family Conference 2010 (Part 6)

My wife, oldest daughter and I attended the Christian Family Conference in Denver this past week. It was an amazing time of encouragement with other Christian parents – most of whom are devoted to homeschooling and home-training their children to be godly men and women, prepared to take on the world with a multi-generational vision. I’m posting some of the notes I took from the conference sessions. Some are sure to fly in the face of the traditions and cultures which most people would consider normal in today’s culture. But these men who spoke to us used the Scriptures, and their lives and the lives of their children are a testament to their integrity and boldness on these topics. Their words motivate me to continue to raise my children in a radical, counter-culture, God-fearing way.

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I wrote a three-part blog series on this very topic about a year ago – when is the right time to put our children out into the world to make a difference in others? I definitely do not believe that we are called to place our children in the “evangelism field” in first grade – at that age, there is too much danger that the world will influence them more than they will influence the world. Jesus himself prepared for his ministry well into his adult years before taking on the world (and even then, he spent his efforts training twelve other men to go into all the earth).

“Raising Children That Will Stand” by Kevin Swanson

· When should I release my children to the culture? When they can change the world – not when the world can still change them! If your children are being changed by their immersion into the world, then it’s too early for them to be in the situation they are in.

· Karl Marx has achieved exactly what he wanted in our culture today – the destruction of the family. “Abolition of the family! … The bourgeois family will disappear, in the course [of history] as its supplement [private property] disappears, and both will vanish with the destruction of capital.” - The Communist Manifesto, Chapter 2, Karl Marx & Friedrich Engels. Just look at our divorce rates and single-parent statistics to see some evidence of family destruction at work among us.

· The husband-wife marital relationship, for the first time in America, is now in the minority – less than 50% of families conform to this model.

· The solution to managing a successful Biblical family is found in Malachi 4:6 – “He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers”

· By 2035, in one more generation, we may see an utter breakdown in society, unless God in His grace works through us for healing. But remember – no matter what happens, Jesus Christ reigns supreme.

· Research Rudyard Kipling’s “all that glitters is not gold” poem – did Kipling foresee our American society’s downfall?

· “Homeschools are the monasteries of the new Dark Age.” – quoting a Roman Catholic priest who believes Christianity may still be salvaged in America

· Our boys are not always turning into effective men – because Dad can’t get home from work to raise them

· “Boys cannot play computer games…while Rome burns.” Neither should fathers…

· We need mighty men of God to pass on the vision for future generations

· And we need boys who are willing to run out and cut off the giant’s head – just like young David did. The giant, in this case, may be a cultural or philosophical tenet – like evolution or pornography.

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Notes: The Christian Family Conference 2010 (Part 4)

My wife, oldest daughter and I attended the Christian Family Conference in Denver this past week. It was an amazing time of encouragement with other Christian parents – most of whom are devoted to homeschooling and home-training their children to be godly men and women, prepared to take on the world with a multi-generational vision. I’m posting some of the notes I took from the conference sessions. Some are sure to fly in the face of the traditions and cultures which most people would consider normal in today’s culture. But these men who spoke to us used the Scriptures, and their lives and the lives of their children are a testament to their integrity and boldness on these topics. Their words motivate me to continue to raise my children in a radical, counter-culture, God-fearing way.

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Kevin was the Executive Director at Christian Home Educators of Colorado for about ten years, and is now working in an international ministry. He also has a daily radio program called Generations Radio. He is an engaging speaker, and challenges my thinking every time I hear him. In this lesson, he focuses on the importance of having a few, exceptional Christian relationships and how that shapes the family.

“Rediscovering Relational Living In Family And Church” by Kevin Swanson

· The Barna group conducted a study and found that only 1 in 3 born-again Christians consider the salvation of their children to be an important parental emphasis. But 2 out of 3 consider their child’s education to be important. (Does the first statistic mean that the majority of Christian parents consider the job of teaching salvation to their children is someone else’s job?)

· Jean-Jacques Rousseau – the father of modern education in America – need to research this man

· “You can change the world…by changing the life of one little boy”

· Churches are going through cultural phases – the “old fogey” church, the nose-ring church, the recovering prostitute church. Consider what would happen if you started a homeschooler’s-only church…and all of the kids graduated? What we need is a cross-generational church – this is a biblical model.

· God is serious about his instructions – if you have doubts, read Deuteronomy 27 and 28 and see all of the curses God promised to people who did not obey

· If you practice hospitality with others, remember – it’s not a church program, it’s what Jesus did! He came all the way across the universe to have dinner with a tax-collector and a prostitute. Relational living is not a “ministry” – it’s what we as Christians should naturally practice.

· Do we think we minimize our efforts if we spend time on only a few deep relationships, as opposed to spending time with hundreds or thousands? Jesus discipled 12 men over a three-year period – and then sent them out into the world. He himself did not try to reach the world directly. What is our calling in this area?

· Consider the concept of family-integrated churches – they don’t contain age-group stratifications – families sit together in church services, from grandfathers down to newborns, because that fosters a cross-generational focus. Kevin has mentioned before that he has been interviewed about why the youth of his church are so strong – it’s remarkable considering that they don’t have a youth ministry or any specific youth programs. I don’t believe they even split off their youth into separate Sunday school classes. Instead, everything is focused on the family – and creating strong fathers and mothers to lead their children in the home and at church. I wonder – isn’t this the Biblical model?

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In A Place That I No Longer Belong

Our family recently spent a week on vacation Palm Desert, California. It didn’t take me long to discover that I didn’t belong there.

The cars on the streets were incredible. We saw expensive cars that we have never even heard of. When we went home, my son and I would look them up on the Internet, only to find that many of them cost well over $100,000. The opulence and showy demonstration of wealth was amazing to behold.

While watching a poolside showing of “Finding Nemo” one evening at our condo, two men walked by and were comparing the pool’s projection video quality to the units they have at home. One guy couldn’t get enough of saying, “You have to come see the one that I bought…”

Driving through a nearby neighborhood, a realtor tracked us down twice. He tried to convince us that it was a great time to buy – the house we were standing in front of was selling for only $1.2 million. But he assured us that there were many to be had in that neighborhood for “as little as $800,000 to $900,000”. My kid’s jaws were on the floor. I just laughed.

While walking into a restaurant one night with my family, a couple was walking out and she actually turned to the man and said, “Now, I want to talk about the red Ferrari…” Our family exchanged surprised glances with each other. To be fair, our mini-van is a racy metallic red, so I can understand the lady’s color choice…

At one time, I think I would have liked being among these people. When I first started my career, I could have been caught up in the pursuit for more and more possessions. Now, I’m not so much turned off as I am saddened by the vapidity I see in a life spent pursuing nothing more than material gain. I think it’s a good sign that I don’t harbor even a tinge of jealousy. I am sad for these people because they are spending the currency of this life on things that break and which fade away, with no thought for what eternity holds.

But perhaps the saddest thing we saw on our vacation was a twelve-year old boy playing by himself in the kid’s playroom at the resort. It’s a room filled with video games, ping-pong, air hockey and other activities that the average child might enjoy for a time. He was entertaining himself with a ping-pong paddle and ball, and was clearly all alone. When we visited the room several hours later, he was still there – and still by himself. It was all too clear that he had been dropped off by his parents to spend the day while they were out vacationing on their own. It’s enough to make me want to cry. I could never leave my kids by themselves to endure a whole day of loneliness while I went off seeking my own entertainment. My spirit weeps for the boy and his parents, who are missing out on the wonders of togetherness and the joy of just being a family. All too soon, those days will be behind us.

Lord, I commit these few years you have given me to pursuing good, honest, and worthy pursuits. I pledge not to be distracted by wealth and the temporary comfort that it brings. Instead, I ask that You lead me to a life that is productive for You first, and which trusts that You will provide only what I need. And finally, I give my covenant to my children that I will treasure these few years that I have with them – to spend it together pursuing God’s will and the wonders of His creation. Nothing can ever take the place of this time we have together, and I promise to give all I have to them, so that they will grow up knowing the awesome power, glory and wonder of God’s promises.